masque vigilante

crying myself to sleep.

sounds like a good night I’ve got planned. 

just something i’m thinking about

suicide, is it really so wrong? It leaves everyone else you leave miserable. But you are in a happy place! So, I guess there is nothing wrong with that. 

My best friend killed herself, almost a year ago today and all I can do is think, is right now, last year, you were here. You were here lying to my face- saying you were better. You were my best friend for so long, we grew apart, but we always could turn to each other. Why couldn’t you turn to me? When you were feeling weak, we agreed, you’d come to me. You’d get help, because being here by myself sucks. There is no other way to put it. 

There have been so many things happen to me while you’ve been gone, things that I’d only ever consider talking to you about. My boyfriend cheated on me, I lost all my friends, I’m confused with life, I cannot sleep, and every single thing reminds me of you. I don’t want to sound like I am miserable and only thinking of the bad. But you could have wrote something, something to make me feel happy when you left us. I know you were too far gone in the head, and that you were not thinking straight- but when you gassed yourself, you broke my heart. My childhood gone. 

Then you have every single person and their dog claiming ‘I was her best friend, since this year and that’. No bitch, we used to laugh at you- as horrible as that sounds. I guess it funny, kind of ironic, when you feel alive and depressed: its like you are the only person in the world, and that no one cares about you. But when you die, everyone was your best friend. Everyone wanted to tell you, you were beautiful. Its just a little too late- you wouldn’t listen to me any more. 

I guess I just wanted to get off my chest how much I’m hurting. How much I feel as though I have no body. Because I always thought I’d have you. I guess not, huh? Funny, isn’t it.